Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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