Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
