I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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