Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
