The maid of honor just puked.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
