you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
