i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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