A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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