He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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