Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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