i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
