what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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