I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
