so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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