New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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