do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
