I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
