Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
