don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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