wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
