the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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