Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
