I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
