just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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