my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
