Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
