YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
