before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it's like iHOP with fire
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
