I am in a vortex of obligation.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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