id be glad to
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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