i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
