we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
