i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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