Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize