her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
