it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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