if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
