his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
