guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
