We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Shame - the story of my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
