i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
