My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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