Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
