I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
