AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
