Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
