Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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