She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
