Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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