someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
