it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
