Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
