Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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