hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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