I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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