why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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