the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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