At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
