Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
