just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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