Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
