obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
